


On Devotion

by wuyifantastic



Series: The meanings of love: [3]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: I cried while writing this, I hope you like it, M/M, Nothing is overly graphic, This is just on touch but in jongins pov w a little extra, i told myself i would get back into writing and this happened and im sorry, it goes into more of what sehun went through as a kid so beware, its been like two years, there is subtle krislu and baekyeol too lol, unbetad as always, word vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28659081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wuyifantastic/pseuds/wuyifantastic
Summary: Jongin understands Sehun, probably better than Jongin understands himself
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Series: The meanings of love: [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1006779
Comments: 7
Kudos: 51





	On Devotion

When Jongin met Sehun, they were only ten years old. He hadn't meant to be nosy- his mother would have scolded him, probably, if he had been caught peeking at the boy's lunch. But his mother wasn't there, and he saw Sehun didn't have any. 

He knew Sehun only by name. And the fact that the other kids thought he was weird. He hadn't ever talked to Sehun, but those who had said he talked weird. When the other kids would mimic his voice, they exaggerated a lisp, and slower speech. Jongin wondered if that's really what he talked like at all. Or if that was even considered weird. No one said everything perfectly. No one did everything the same way. At the moment, all Jongin saw was a hungry boy. Whose disappointment was plain on his face, hunger evident in the way he clutched his stomach. 

"Do you want my sandwich? I don't feel like ham today." It was a lie, Jongin was so hungry himself. He could have eaten the sandwich and not have minded. He just wasn't sure if Sehun would have accepted if he knew. 

Sehun's head whipped around to Jongin, and Jongin could tell he was skeptical of the offer. "A-are you sure?" His voice didn't sound anything like the other kids said he did. It was soft, and there was a slight lisp, but it wasn't slow or high pitched. Slightly nasally, but Jongin wondered if it was just because he was nervous. 

"Yeah, I have honey butter chips." Jongin shook his lunch box and sat next to Sehun, who pushed his empty lunch box out of the way. "But you can have some of those, too." 

When Jongin's mom asked, when he had come home from school, why he was so hungry, Jongin asked for maybe a little extra food in his lunch from now on. "I am a growing boy, after all." Jongin stated, as natural as any other statement. At the moment, his mother just laughed and asked him where he learned to be so matter of fact. 

It was after a month or two of Jongin sneakily bringing food for Sehun that his mom found out, during a parent teacher meeting, that he was sharing lunches with the smaller boy. His teacher, who had seen once or twice, remarked on Jongin's ability to share and care for others. From then, his mom just packed two lunches. She asked why he didn't just tell her about it, but for that, Jongin didn't have an answer. 

She urged Jongin to invite Sehun over for dinner, but it wasn't until much, much later that the skinny, nervous boy ever wound up accepting the offer. 

Jongin's mom is a nurse, and his dad is an accountant. They work every day but are always home in time to have dinner with Jongin and his older sister. And, when Sehun joined, Jongin didn't think he'd ever seen the table filled with so much food for just five people. 

Sehun was so nervous to meet Jongin's parents. Onlly after reassurance that his parents were, like, the coolest people ever, did he relax. Sehun was always so unsure and nervous, Jongin noticed. When he talked to his parents about it, they just smiled, patted his head, and told him sometimes children don't have as much as he does. 

Jongin doesn't quite understand, then, what it meant. 

Sehun grows up, and Jongin is there, growing with him. They play together a lot at Jongin's house. Sometimes Sehun shows up without warning, quiet and trembling. Sometimes, Jongin sees bruises, sometimes blood. He never asks, but Jongin's mother always looks heartbroken when the younger boy leaves. Always torn. 

Jongin thinks Sehun is just clumsy. Always running into things and hurting himself. That's how he got bruises and cuts, anyways. When he fell from his skateboard. Or bumped into tables while running through the house. When Jongin asked his mother if she ever knew someone as clumsy as Sehun, she patted his head. "He's not clumsy, honey." 

Jongin got a sense his mother had more to say on it, but didn't. He wondered why she looked so sad, too. "You keep being kind to Sehun, Jongin-ah, he needs it more than you know."

Jongin doesn't quite understand, then, what it meant. 

But he does. He keeps being kind to Sehun. Especially when Sehun did something to Jongin that hurt him- on accident, of course- and Sehun looked terrified as he apologized. Jongin never could bring himself to yell at Sehun, then. It was as if, deep down, he had known, that if he did, He'd lose Sehun. 

Even though he was still a kid, and didn't really understand what love was, he knew he didn't want to lose Sehun. Never. 

It isn't until they enter high school that Jongin understands what his parents had meant when they said children don't always have much. Or when his mother asked him to only ever be kind to Sehun. He curses himself for not understanding it meant that Sehun's father drank away their money, leaving nothing for Sehun. He regrets not asking where the bruises and cuts came from, all those times. Or why, when Sehun showed up unannounced, he flinched away from Jongin's touch. He should have known sooner. Sehun probably wouldn't have told him the truth anyways. 

Jongin's mom said it was because Jongin was sheltered in a loving home that he just didn't realize not everyone had that. She also told him, when he asked, that she was glad he never even thought it a possibility because it meant that they had raised him right. 

"Is there anything we can do?" Jongin had asked. 

"I'm afraid not, honey." His mom told him, running her fingers soothingly through his hair. She then explained how, when she first saw Sehun, she had informed the proper authorities, but nothing ever came from the investigations because Sehun and his father had always lied.

By then, there's too much risk involved with Sehun staying with Jongin at their house full time. At least, that's what Sehun tells him when he asked about it.

Jongin shudders to think what that might mean for Sehun. 

There's more to it, Jongin knows. He thinks, maybe, Sehun might still have hope that his father will change. That his father will love him. "Things aren't always bad, Jongin." Sehun had told him, with a soft smile as he showed him the new game system his dad had brought home for him. Sehun had, of course, immediately taken it to Jongin's place. "He said he was sorry, and that he'd change. For real this time." 

Jongin begins to understand Sehun, probably more than Jongin understands himself. 

Sehun was 16 when he said that after his father gave him the toy. Sehun was still 16 when the game system got broken in a fight and Sehun dodged an unopened bottle of soju only for it to break and shatter over their tv and game system Sehun had been playing at. 

That was the only time Sehun ever told Jongin what happened when they fought. He hadn't had any new bruises for a while, and only sported a busted lip when he showed up at Jongin's place. But the tears in his eyes and the obvious betrayal in his tone was enough for Jongin to understand that sometimes, it wasn't hands that left the deepest scars. 

Their friendship isn't only full of tragedy. They go out for bubble tea, eat a lot of junk food while they play mario kart in Jongin's basement. Even though Sehun puts more and more distance between them on the couch as the days pass. Even as he grows so anxious his hands start to tremble permanently. 

They act like teenagers. They skate together and for christmas the same year Sehun's game system got broken, Jongin's mom even buys Sehun a few christmas gifts. Some shirts and a new skateboard. All of which Sehun keeps at Jongin's place. For safekeeping or just because he is over a lot, Sehun doesn't elaborate. Jongin thinks it is because he doesn't really know how to accept gifts anymore. At least not from other people's families.

Maybe it is about keeping things safe, after what happened to Sehun's game. 

Jongin is only a kid, he doesn't know what to do. He wants to help. Wants to hold Sehun and tell him that, once Sehun can, they'll move out together. 

They won't have to see Sehun's dad ever again. 

Jongin isn't naive, he knows what it means on those rare occasions when Sehun is too tired, or too shaken, to keep his distance and Jongin's heart rate spikes. He knows what it means when he catches himself staring at Sehun, tracing the lines of his face in admiration. He knows what it means when each inch between them physically grows and it's agonizing. 

He also knows that Jongin is all Sehun has. He wonders if it means what he wants it to mean, the way he means it when he thinks the same thing. Wonders if Sehun lines his thank yous with underlying want the way Jongin does. 

Sehun and Jongin. They just make sense. At least, to Jongin. He loves spending time with Sehun. Loves their mindless chatting. Their playful banter. He loves the way Sehun reserves the softest of his smiles for times when they're alone and he closes the distance between them. Jongin would even take stretched out silences if it meant Sehun was there with him. 

Jongin falls in love in calculus, when Sehun effortlessly, but bashfully, presents his project on infinity. How, even though he trembles, he is confident with what he knows- numbers. He is one of the smartest people Jongin knows, maybe even smarter than his dad, who does math for a living. Or at least, he thinks that is what accountants do. 

Jongin and Sehun celebrate New Years together for the first time just before they both turn 17. It's at Jongin's house, of course. Jongin hadn't invited any other school friends because he wanted the night to be just him and Sehun. Jongin's family is in the living room, but him and Sehun have their own smorgasbord of snacks on Jongin's study desk and the livestream of the celebration playing on his laptop. 

His light is off and in the blue glow of his laptop, he thinks Sehun, with his round cheeks and naturally pouting lips, is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. He doesn't mind that Sehun has his particular ways of doing things, even when it comes to walking on sidewalks. He doesn't find any fault in Sehun's ticks and habits he has. Everyone has their normal, and everyone's normal is different from each other's. 

Jongin understands Sehun. Probably more than Jongin understands himself. 

They count down the numbers together along with the people on the screen. 

3….2….1… 

Jongin can't help it, he turns to Sehun and smiles, greeting him in the new year with a kiss. A gentle one to his lips. 

Sehun rips away so fast Jongin would have thought his lips were made of lava. Something pierces Jongin's heart then. And drives in deeper as he watches Sehun scrub at his lips. 

He knows… that Sehun hates to be touched. And had his quirks and habits and compulsions. But it still hurt. And, Jongin, who is just shy of seventeen and in love with his best friend, just wishes his friend could have grown up with more. More love. More compassion. More everything. So he didn't have to hide bruises and scars. And maybe he wouldn't hate being touched because he was too used to pain to realize that sometimes, touch could feel good. Sometimes, touches could heal. 

Despite the rejection, Jongin stays. He's been with Sehun through a lot. And he doesn't plan on leaving. Ever. It isn't out of pity, like Sehun had asked him once. Jongin wanted to protect Sehun, in all the ways he could. All the ways he knew how. All the ways he could discover. Because Sehun was precious to him. Sehun was someone worth saving, even if the actual saving wouldn't happen until later in their life. Jongin would jump at any opportunity. 

Jongin knows that Sehun might never love him back, but he also knows that even if his goodbyes weren't laced with the same desperate wish to never part that Jongin's were, Jongin still meant a lot to Sehun. Sehun never failed to not only say it, but show it. 

They didn't give each other gifts, Jongin knew Sehun didn't have money. But Jongin, once he had felt that first undeniable surge of love, bought Sehun gifts. Even if, once wrapped and addressed, they stayed in a cardboard box at the top of his closet. Maybe, someday, Sehun would love him back. And he'd give him the gifts. 

Maybe he'd see the soft baby blue scarf and remember staring at it a second too long as they walked home from school a week before Sehun's birthday, exhausted from exams. Maybe he's see the wooden ring band with a bold stripe of jade around the middle and remember that smooth jade elephant that Sehun had ran his fingers over so tenderly before looking at the price and flushing in embarrassment. Neither of them could afford it, but Jongin began to notice that, when jade was involved, Sehun couldn't help but touch. 

And it was always a big deal if Sehun voluntarily touched something. 

The thing about Jongin was that, he knew what he wanted, and when he decided he would wait for it, he did so almost stubbornly. He wanted Sehun to love him back, with every fiber of his being. He knew he could wait a thousand lifetimes for Sehun. For the right moment. 

More than anything, though, Jongin never wanted to see Sehun stop smiling. And Jongin wanted to be the reason why he smiled. 

But, eventually, Sehun did stop smiling. 

Jongin remembers the day clearly. It was a Tuesday in November when Sehun, 18, showed up on his door. He was sweating, paler than usual. His t-shirt was also soaked in blood. 

"I-I don't know what to do." Sehun said so meekly, Jongin almost missed it. "H-He-" Sehun hiccupped on a sob, tears filling his eyes. "H-he had a knif-" Jongin stood, frozen on the spot. This is, by far, the worst state Jongin had ever seen Sehun in. 

"SEHUN!?" Jongin's mom shouted and rushed over. He flinched violently away at the noise and the hands that reached for him. Jongin's mom paused, and Jongin saw that heartbroken look again. "I'm going to take you to the hospital, okay?" She said softly, motioning for Jongin to help Sehun. 

Sehun didn't flinch away from Jongin as he tried to help. "Tuesdays are supposed to be safe." Sehun muttered, trembling like a leaf in a windstorm underneath Jongin's arm. Jongin's mom did what she could, being a nurse, she had knowledge, but just not the means to help him completely. She managed to get the bleeding stopped, at least, a small mountain of gauze pressed to Sehun's side. It was hard when Sehun kept jerking away from her, but eventually, he just ran out of strength. Jongin had to carry Sehun in to the hospital. 

After that, Sehun changed. He didn't smile. And oh, had Jongin missed it during those times. He got an afterschool job, and moved out the minute he had enough money to. 

Sehun didn't want a roommate, is what he told Jongin. Jongin knew Sehun had a large personal bubble and the small, affordable apartments in the area would all be much too small for the both of them. 

Jongin also knew that he was somewhat of a messy person. While he had never been invited to Sehun's place- he knew the man was neat. Very tidy. Everything had its place. 

As long as Sehun's place was far away from his father, Jongin was satisfied. And as long as Jongin's place was right next to Sehun, he was happy. 

Sehun had refused to let Jongin come over to his father's place so Jongin only knew the limited things he saw. Sehun never talked about what his father did to him. Jongin didn't even want to imagine the horrors. He knew, even if he asked, Sehun wouldn't tell him everything. 

From the moment Sehun had been injured so bad he needed over 30 stitches, Jongin knew Sehun no longer held hope his father could change. Or love him. Sehun didn't even have to say it, but the way he changed spoke volumes. 

Jongin understood Sehun, though. Maybe even better than Jongin knew himself. 

"It's like you can read my mind." Sehun told him, one chilly spring night after they're both graduated and Jongin brings over all of Sehun's favorite foods to Sehun's own place. He had said it about how he had been craving Jongin's mom's dumplings and kimchi fried rice, but Jongin knew it meant more than that. About how Jongin never needed verbal confirmation about what Sehun needed.

They end up going to the same college, though different fields of study. They're related enough so that they take whatever classes that intersected their fields together. 

Jongin finds that, even though Sehun still has his routines and patterns, he flourishes in adult life. Or, at least it's what Jongin thinks when it's midday on Friday and their class just ended, and Sehun looks up into the warm autumn sun and smiles. For the first time in what felt like ages. 

Jongin thinks of the new years kiss, almost three years ago at that point. He feels the same bubbling desire in his heart for Sehun in the sun as he had felt for Sehun in the glow of the laptop. 

He's beautiful, Jongin thinks. Even if Sehun always says he is broken. But even broken things could be beautiful. 

Jongin knows he can't kiss Sehun anymore, so he just stares and memorizes the smile on his face. And keeps the way he feels in this moment locked away forever in his heart. Sehun smiling is, without a doubt, the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. 

Throughout the messed up routines, long days, nervous breakdowns, Jongin stays beside Sehun. Sometimes, he worries, Sehun will never see him as anything more than his best friend. When the physical distance between them widens further. 

It's those days that Jongin wavers. Thinks, maybe, he should move on. When loneliness and restlessness settle in too deep. When he seeks comfort in strangers beds that never seem to satisfy what he really craves. 

Realistically, he understands that, even if Sehun did love him back in the same way, even if he did want a relationship with Jongin, sex is… pretty much off the table. Even though Sehun is comfortable enough to allow them to be close, it's still always so modest. So hesitant. 

Jongin has never felt like he needed sex, but it felt nice, at least, to feel wanted. Every once in a while. Usually, he picked people who were the opposite of Sehun. Where Sehun was tall and lean, Jongin would choose short and petite. Sehun had sharp features, he sought out soft. He was afraid if they were anything like Sehun, he'd dig himself deeper. He was already in deeper than he could possibly climb out, any more was dangerous. 

Sehun reveals to Jongin how nervous he is to start therapy, one day in June. Jongin promises to come over and make him dinner after, just so he doesn't have to be alone. 

Jongin marks the time passing with nights spent making bibimbap, new therapists, new techniques, new medications for Sehun. He's always there to make sure Sehun keeps his head above the water. Is the life vest, the buoy, the raft, the means to hang on and refuse to sink. 

Jongin worried, with each new therapist, about how effective they were. How much Sehun had hoped to start changing, to start being more… "normal". That was Sehun's word. Jongin didn't think there was such thing as normal. Nothing standard for everyone. 

"That's just what normal people say." Sehun had scoffed when Jongin told him as such.

Maybe it was. But if Sehun wanted to change things, he would support him. After all this time, Jongin just wanted to walk Sehun's journey with him. 

It wasn't until Dr. Han that Jongin noticed things actually starting to change. Sehun had started to change. He even outright relied on Jongin again. More and more. Which hadn't happened since the night he showed up on Jongin's doorstep with a six inch gash in his side. 

But progress was not linear. Some days Sehun took a step back. Some days he took two steps forward. 

And then things started to change in ways Jongin didn't want them to. Suddenly, Sehun was asking questions Jongin wasn't ready to answer. Didn't think he'd have to answer. It was always understood that they were friends. They never said things to reassure each other of their friendship outright. They said they meant a lot to each other, but that was basically it. The biggest reassurance to Jongin was always that they were together. Since they were ten, it was always just Jongin and Sehun. They were a package deal. 

"Why did you kiss me that time?" Sehun's words set off alarms in his brain. He freezes, can't think. Can't move. He is barely in the right state of mind to keep Sehun from leaving like he obviously planned to. 

"Wait," he croaks, knowing that this is his moment. To confess everything. To see where he stands in Sehun's life. Did Sehun want him like Jongin wanted Sehun? Why was he bringing up the kiss now? Why did he even remember it? "I want to tell you." 

There's a frantic clicking, and Jongin glances down at the fidget cube held tight in Sehun's hands. So tight his knuckles are white. Tension is thick, like a dense fog. Jongin's throat tightens. Maybe he isn't ready to say it, maybe Sehun isn't ready to hear it. Maybe, at this point, it would ruin everything.

The truth had been locked away so long, neither of them knew what would happen if it came out. "I don't have to tell you, if you're not ready." Jongin says slowly, studying Sehun's face. Any sign of relief and he'd keep the truth locked away. 

Jongin understood Sehun, probably more than Jongin understood himself. 

"I want to know." And even though Sehun is staring at the table, Jongin can just tell he is sincere. When Sehun lied, his shoulders tended to slump from his impossibly straight posture. Sehun was stiff as a rod. 

Nervous, but not unprepared. 

"I kissed you because I had a crush on you." Jongin lets it out. And to finally say it, to admit it out loud. Feels like being set free. His heart soared just like it had that day on campus when Sehun looked up at the sky and smiled for the first time in years. 

Jongin is 24, has been in love with his best friend for probably a decade, and he is just now confessing. 

"Oh." Is all Sehun offers him at first. It's one syllable but it holds so much weight. Jongin's chest tightens because he distinctly detects disappointment. 

Not what he wanted to hear. 

It turns out, that one syllable was all Sehun was going to offer him. Jongin can't see Sehun's face, because Sehun is apparently determined to stay staring holes into the table. "You didn't like it, so I didn't persist." Jongin elaborates, hoping. Hoping with all he has that Sehun has something to say to correct his years old assumption. 

The silence that follows resonates painfully in Jongin's chest. Despite how hurt Jongin feels in this moment, he still asks to make sure Sehun is okay. But he gets more stony silence in return. 

That's it. He's ruined everything. He should have made up some lie. He could lie if it protected their friendship. They were good. They worked together. Even if Jongin never got more than that, he was fine. He had resigned to that fact. 

Before he had confessed, it was easy to pretend that he was happy with it. That he didn't need confirmation because Sehun was always just only his. 

"I'm going to leave you be." Jongin whispers, not trusting himself. He felt on the verge of cracking. He cleaned up after himself, knowing Sehun's routine like the back of his hand, and left. 

He barely made it two steps out of the door before the hot tears flooded his eyes and fell down his cheeks. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have ruined their fragile balance with a confession?

How could he have been so blind to not have seen just how fragile their connection had been? After a decade, Jongin thought they were rock solid. But Sehun didn't even say a word to him. It was one thing to not feel the same, but a whole other thing to not even have the words to reject him. 

Jongin would have been fine with rejection, he thinks. But that silence. That deafening silence. Was hard to handle. 

And he doesn't handle it well. He avoids Sehun at all costs. Doesn't go to classes even though he is passionate about his future. He doesn't text Sehun like he usually would, but he notices Sehun doesn't reach out either. As long as he doesn't try to talk to Jongin, Jongin takes it as a sign. 

He had known Sehun for nearly 14 years. He wasn't just losing his first love, but his closest friend. It stung. He had other friends, sure. But none meant as much as Sehun. No one made him feel as safe and understood as Sehun. 

Despite the heartbreak, despite the fact he might not ever even see Sehun again, when he passes by the glass bouquet of roses, he doesn't hesitate to buy it. Even if it's more than Jongin can afford extra right now, he knew Sehun would love it. He loved flowers. 

It was about as tall as a small bottle of soda, but twice as round. It would look perfect on the windowsill Sehun had in his bedroom. 

If only Jongin had been brave enough to give him anything he had bought for him. If only he had the nerves. He couldn't now, though. 

Might not ever. 

Every year, a friend of his throws an all day, no judgement singles bash on Valentine's day. Usually, Jongin just goes because he is invited. He is never hoping to find anyone. After all, he had already found someone he wanted to spend his life with. And Baekhyun always has an open bar. His parents are filthy rich and not afraid to share. The music is loud, and Jongin, at first, is only there to let the bass beat melt away his woes.

It isn't until he stops for a drink that his plans change. "I'm Kyungsoo," is what he hears over the roaring of the music. "Are you here with anyone?"

It was straightforward and no nonsense. Like they both knew and would understand what tonight was. Jongin looks over, and the guy is cute. Heart shaped lips and big eyes. But despite the confidence in his tone, there's a certain shyness to the other man's posture. His shoulders are slightly slumped forward. 

Jongin and Kyungsoo talk while they have a drink, which turns into two. They don't talk about each other much, it wasn't a meet and greet date night. They both knew where it would end. Mostly, the topics stay shallow. To make sure they were compatible enough so they didn't beat each other's asses, at least. 

"Wanna go back to mine?" Jongin asked, twenty minutes into grinding against each other on the makeshift dance floor in Baekhyun's penthouse. It was barely 4 o'clock, and the time and offer made Kyungsoo grin. 

"We really will have all night, huh?" Kyungsoo asked, lips curled in a smirk. The words referenced a filthy promise Jongin had whispered into his ear just moments before. 

Catching a taxi, they remained just discreet enough to avoid getting judgmental looks or an increased fare. Kyungsoo's hand remained firmly against the front of his jeans, and Jongin, suddenly filled with need, pushed up into the warmth, hardening already. 

If it bothers Kyungsoo that Jongin is shaking through an orgasm ten minutes after being pushed against his front door and swallowed down by pink lips, he doesn't let on. 

Kyungsoo gets his orgasm roughly a twenty minutes later, pressed against the shower door. Once the cum and glitter from Baekhyun's party is washed down the drain, Jongin offers Kyungsoo some clothes to keep warm while they wait for their takeout to arrive. 

He has a lapful of a beauty named Kyungsoo when there is a knock on the door. A little dizzy from arousal and the taste of alcohol still on Kyungsoo's tongue, Jongin doesn't realize he should know that knock by now. The unique pattern of three sharp, succinct raps to metal. 

Thinking it's the chicken, he stumbles to the door- it was already paid for, so he didn't need his wallet this time. When he opened, he was shocked. "Sehun?" He blinked owlishly. He hadn't expected the boy to show up. 

He looks nervous, maybe a little hopeful. And the flush on his cheeks is from more than just the cold but it suits him so wonderfully. Jongin takes a moment to fall in love a little deeper, even though he shouldn't, before the panic sets in. "Sehun? Wh-" he has another man in his apartment and Sehun came here, on valentine's day, for… what exactly? "What are you doing here?" His blood is running cold it's practically ice, sluggishly pumping through his veins. 

"I just… just wanted to talk. Can I come in?" Jongin, because he understands Sehun more than Jongin understands himself, notices the trembling. The shaking. The fear. Jongin wants to pull him in his arms and chase it all away. 

But there is another, barely dressed, man in his apartment. And Sehun probably wouldn't even like a hug anyway. 

Jongin steps outside and pulls the door closed most of the way, glancing inside. "It's… not a good time. I'm sorry." Jongin's saliva seems to be made of maple syrup now, it's thick. Making his words slow. It absolutely breaks his heart to see Sehun so vulnerable at the moment. 

"It won't take long. I just… want to ask you- I wanted to tell you something."

Oh, if Jongin had been in pain before. It's nothing compared to what he feels when he feels the soft rush of warm air as his apartment door pulls open. 

His ears are roaring, realization dawns on Sehun's face. Kyungsoo. He steps back from Jongin, widening that distance that had been closing ever so slowly lately. Physically and metaphorically "Oh." It's one syllable that turns Jongin's world on its axis. Sehun has said it way too many times with the same amount of disappointment. Of heartbreak. "Have a nice night, Jongin." 

Sehun runs, the small trinket falls. The only gift Jongin has ever been able to (albeit indirectly) give to Sehun gets left behind. Jongin, too busy processing what this all means for them, just stares at it. 

"Jongin?" A hand touches his back and when Jongin's eyes snap to the way Sehun had left, he doesn't see anyone. It's Kyungsoo that says his name. He looks at his date without seeing. He feels bile rise in his throat. 

"Who was that?" Kyungsoo asks, because he was smart enough to know that it was indeed not the chicken delivery. 

"Sehun." Jongin responds, and another hole rips through his chest. "My best friend." Though he isn't sure he is deserving of a best friend like Sehun. Maybe, he had built castles in the sky with Sehun as the foundation without realizing Sehun was sand, eroding quickly and leaving his castles to fall. 

Sehun, his heart calls for. 

Fragile, but oddly resilient Sehun. Like a flower. Whose petals could be plucked so easily but could withstand wind and rain storms that would wash out all the soil around him. Who would wither if stepped on but grew through cracks in sidewalks and harsh concrete. 

"Jongin?" He hears again, from miles away. "Come back inside, you'll catch cold."

There's a tug on his arm, which brings him back to his senses. He smells chicken and realizes it must have arrived. He feels too sick to even think about eating. He swallows more bile. 

"I'm going to… head home, okay?" Kyungsoo says after setting the chicken down on Jongin's small dining room table. "And Jongin? I hope things work out between you and Sehun." 

Jongin thinks he mumbles a response, but it's really anyone's guess what it really means. When the door shuts behind Kyungsoo, Jongin pulls out his phone. 

And dials Sehun. And dials again. And again. Messages get no response, either. Jongin goes out of his mind with worry. With panic. 

Sehun was all Jongin had in the world. It wasn't technically true, because Jongin had a very loving family, and he would be so upset if something were to happen to them. But Sehun? 

If he didn't have Sehun anymore, Jongin was sure he'd lose it. There wasn't a future Jongin ever pictured or planned for that didn't have Sehun in it. There were ones where they were together, and happy, maybe with a dog or two. Or something less messy like a fish. Jongin would even settle for just a plant. Something they could care for together. 

There were futures where they were still just friends, living just a block or two away from each other. They spent their evenings together, they graduated together. 

No matter what, Jongin's future, since he was ten years old, had always featured Sehun. Starring role. Jongin was absolutely devoted to him. 

Sehun was always going to be what Jongin considered Home. 

But Sehun wanted nothing to do with him. After three days of failure to get through to Sehun, Jongin is desperate enough to call Doctor Han. 

It isn't like he dislikes the doctor, he was the only one who seemed to help Sehun, afterall, he just… wanted to respect the professional distance between them and not push it in case Sehun got uncomfortable. 

But Doctor Han had given Jongin his cell phone number the afternoon that Sehun broke down in his office and clung to Jongin like a life raft. The day feels so distant in the moment. It was the day Jongin first felt that rift between them start to mend. That Sehun was making steps closer to him. That day, even though it had exhausted Sehun mentally and emotionally, had given Jongin a lot of hope. 

It's the number he calls now, frantic and maybe a little out of his mind. "Hello?" The doctor's soft timber is laced with confusion. Curiosity? "Who is this?"

"It's Jongin. I haven't been able to get a hold of Sehun. He came by the other night to talk but I had- I had company and he ran away and he isn't answering my calls or texts or even the door when I went there this morning. And last night. He just? It's like he disappeared and I'm worried he got hurt or something and needs help. He-"

"Jongin." The doctor interjects. "Calm down, please. Things will be okay, I'll try calling him. If that doesn't work, then I'll try the police, okay?" 

The police. Why hadn't Jongin thought of that? 

Jongin's put at ease by the reassurance. Slightly. At least enough to not run the risk of hyperventilating. 

"Okay." Jongin sounds. "Can you keep me on while you do?"

"Just until I get an answer. Anything else, will break my patient doctor trust with him." Jongin understands. Even if he doesn't want to. "But to ease your mind, I'll let you hear if he answers." 

"Okay." Jongin repeats with a nod, not even registering that doctor Han wouldn't be able to see him. 

There's a bit of movement on the other line, faint punching of desk phone buttons. A few taps of Doctor Han's fingers against the desk. 

Then- "Sehun?" The call doesn't end, and Jongin waits with bated breath. There's silence for a while, in which Jongin's heart finds a new home in his throat. 

"Sehun?" Dr. Han sounds worried now, too, which, oddly, makes Jongin feel a little bit better. 

"Yeah?" Despite how dry and lifeless the response is, Jongin can tell it's Sehun. He's alive, at least, which makes relief run warm through his body. 

"Oh, thank god-" comes Dr. Han's response and then the call cuts off. He had been warned it would happen, but it still makes a brick of unease drop into Jongin's stomach. 

He wasn't worried about what Dr. Han would find out about what happened- he was afraid of how much the night had really hurt him. He almost didn't sound like Sehun on the phone. Had he been taking care of himself properly? 

It takes three more days of no response or signs of life on Sehun's end for Jongin to take matters into his own hands. He had always waited for Sehun to come to him, but this time he would do the walking. He'd close the distance himself. In one big leap. 

Or he'd widen it so far there was no repairing it. Whichever one, at least he would know he tried. At least there would be no what ifs. 

It wasn't hard to get Tao to let him take his shift on Sunday. Tao never really wanted to work in the first place, but his parents had always made him. 

Jongin is there already when Sehun arrives at the cafe. The surprise on his face is evident and his large eyes are fixed on Jongin. Jongin can see the gears turning in his head. Can see the smoke from overwork. He would laugh, if he weren't so nervous himself. "I'm sorry." Jongin feels the need to apologize for having endangered Sehun's routine. "I was just worried sick. You haven't answered my texts still." Jongin states in explanation. The air between them feels electric. 

But not in the sparks flying, romantic summer nights kind of way. The livewire jolting around in a puddle kind of way. Dangerous. Fatal. 

"Oh. Sorry." Sehun bows as he says it, which makes Jongin's brows furrow. Since when did Sehun ever bow so formally to him? "I've been busy lately. How have you been?" 

This feels… wrong. Jongin purses his lips and doesn't answer. He's too troubled by Sehun's sudden formal tone. It feels almost cold. After 14 years, how come it feels like they just barely met? 

Jongin understood Sehun probably more than Jongin understood himself. Or, at least, that was what he always thought. How come now he felt lost? Did Sehun feel lost, too? It was uncharted territory, for sure. But did Sehun really never put it together? That Jongin was in love with him?

Maybe not. For as much as Jongin thought he was showing Sehun, maybe Sehun never caught on to his real feelings. He never stated them, never made them obvious apart from their one new years kiss. Even then, he never said why. Maybe Sehun really didn't know. Maybe Sehun didn't understand love enough to know it was the driving force behind Jongin's dedication to him. 

Sehun had his back to him now. Jongin chewed his lip. Maybe what caused the lack of understanding was Jongin's lack of demand for more. Jongin never even considered forcing anything on Sehun, but maybe the fact he never tried was where the confusion stemmed from. 

So, without warning, Jongin reached out and placed his hand on Sehun's back, between his shoulder blades. Sehun jerks, but Jongin had expected that. It doesn't deter him. 

He wanted Sehun to know. Another hand goes to Sehun's shoulder, to turn him, and once he's able to, Jongin pulls Sehun into a hug. The tightest one he can. His hand cradles Sehun's head, threading through soft dark locks of hair. 

"It's good to see you." Jongin breathes out against Sehun's shoulder. I missed you, oddly, remains unsaid. Maybe he should have said it. Too many beats pass for the addition to make sense, and it feels like a life time that they're hugging in the middle of the coffee shop. 

Well, Jongin is holding Sehun, but Sehun has not held him back. 

"How did your date go?" There's an unsure stutter in Sehun's words and Jongin knows, just from that, how nervous Sehun is. 

Jongin understands Sehun, probably better than he understands himself. 

Jongin, reluctantly, lets go of Sehun's small, shaking frame. "It wasn't a date. I'm not dating Kyungsoo." He stated firmly. He hadn't dated anyone. He only wanted Sehun, and that's all. 

"He was wearing your clothes. He is very cute, I think." Sehun is trying hard to remain unbothered, Jongin can tell. But he doesn't mention it, they'll get to the reason behind Sehun's discomfort. 

Jongin only hopes it's for the reason he wants it to be. That Sehun wants to date him instead. 

"Okay, it was a date. But a one time thing." Jongin admits. It feels like chewing up glass. 

"Well, why? If you like each other enough to go on one date, why not continue?" Sehun either doesn't get it or needs more confirmation that Jongin doesn't have feelings for someone else. But the truth makes his ears burn. 

"I don't like him, he was just-" Jongin pauses, looking for the right words.

"Mutual sexual gratification." 

The words make bile rise in his throat and he has a hard time controlling his reaction. 

"It sounds weird when you put it like that."

"Is that not what it was?" 

"Well... yes...." Jongin knows his cheeks are red. Did he really have to say all this? He almost wavers, wants to stop so he doesn't have to admit anything else embarrassing. But, he needs Sehun to know. He desperately wants Sehun to understand him. 

The same way Jongin understands Sehun. And his wants and his needs. Would Sehun be able to accommodate Jongin in return? 

"Then how is it weird?" 

"What did you come over for? You said you needed to tell me something." Jongin changes the subject. He needs to get this conversation going, not stuck on what Jongin said or meant. At least, not about Kyungsoo. 

"Oh." Sehun frowns, Jongin can tell even from the subtle furrow in his brow that Sehun is troubled. "It doesn't matter anymore. I got my answer."

"What answer?" Sehun shrugs, then excuses himself to continue cleaning. It's all he offers Jongin for a while. Which is maddening. "Listen, Sehun, things have been weird between us..." 

Sehun looks at him, for a brief moment, then resumes cleaning. Jongin sighs, frustrated. "Look, I don't want my feelings to affect our relationship. If you're uncomfortable with them, please, forget I have them for you."

Sehun stops, then. Finally, Jongin thinks, a reaction. Something to indicate he was even listening to Jongin. "I never forget anything. Especially not anything you do or say, Jongin. Did you just say you have feelings for me?" 

"Yes. I did last week, too." Jongin is exasperated- did Sehun really not remember?

"You said you had a crush on me. Past tense."

"Well, now it isn't only just a crush." Is that what he had been hung up on? What had caused all this trouble? The tense of a word? He shouldn't be surprised that something so trivial upended everything the way it had. It was Sehun, who was full of technicalities.

"Then why Kyungsoo?" Sehun's voice is riddled with hurt and insecurity. Jongin hates he caused it.

Jongin's truth, now, is something he has never come to terms with. The inconvenient need for validation- something Sehun couldn't give him about his feelings. "Because, sometimes, I get sick of a one sided infatuation."

Sehun just looks at him, eyes searching. As if peering into his soul, looking for any little indication that Jongin wasn't telling the truth. Jongin had wanted to let it out for so long, there was no way he wouldn't tell the truth right now. "Who said it is one-sided?"

Jongin lets out a breath like he had been punched. Automatically, he moves closer to Sehun. Had he heard right? He sucks in another breath as Sehun steps back and gives him a determined look. Jongin holds his breath. "I like you. A whole lot, Jongin. I have for a while even without realizing it. But... I can't just..."

Right then, the bell to the door jingles. Sehun scurries to the back room like a cockroach caught by sudden light. If Jongin is a bit more cheerful as he greets the customer it's because of the giddiness he feels because Sehun likes him. Sehun likes him back. 

Then a brick settles in his stomach as he reads the total to the customer and counts back change. Sehun has more to say. More about what? Is there a but? Is he going to be rejected anyway? Jongin doesn't want to let Sehun go. Not without a fight. 

It seems like making the frozen macha latte takes a thousand years and the second the customer steps out of the store, Jongin rushes back to where he knows Sehun is probably on the verge of hyperventilating.

Jongin decides to just go for it. No holding back. "I know what you have to say. That me loving you doesn't change how you have trouble expressing feelings and physical intimacy. Or that you have routines and numbers. I know all this. I am probably the one most familiar with all of it. Because I care. And I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to but I really want to be with you. Not just as a friend. But if you really think you can't accept me as a lover, then I'd understand. But, don't think that it won't work out because there's a problem with you. I don't see a problem. I just want to be able to call you mine and maybe, one day, hold your hand. That's all I want."

Jongin is out of breath, heart out on the floor. He did it. Would the rift grow or close? 

Jongin almost jumps out of his skin when Suho clears his throat and speaks. "This is all very sweet, but at least one of you needs to be out on the floor." The reminder is gentle, if not a little amused at what was happening right in front of him. 

Jongin looks at Sehun, who is still wide eyed and unfocused, and steps back through the door and out behind the counter. 

The ball was in Sehun's court, but this time Jongin has no idea what Sehun will do. Or what is on his mind. 

"Jongin?" Sehun's voice sounds small, fragile. "Do you want to come over? So we can talk?"

Jongin has never agreed to something so fast in his life. He is so nervous, so charged. 

He wants to know. 

They take Jongin's car home, and if he speeds through traffic, Sehun doesn't mention it. Jongin is thankful Sehun doesn't live that far from the coffee shop. 

"I know you know what you're going to be getting into. With dating me." Sehun says, once they're settled into Sehun's kitchen. The same place they've sat and talked a million times before. But this is different. This will change everything. "But, like Dr. Han is helping me, over time, if we practice... I could hold your hand really soon." It's Sehun's way of accepting him. And a relationship with him. Jongin's next breath feels brand new. Fresh air after years of choking on smog.

"Do you know and understand that, since we will be dating, I'll want to take you on dates? It'll disrupt your routine."

Sehun chews on his lip and thinks. Jongin is so giddy he could scream. He doesn't, though, for Sehun's sake. "I understand that. I'll work hard."

"I'll be sure not to push you too hard." Jongin promises softly. Before he even registers what he's doing, he is already merely centimeters from Sehun's face. "It is perfectly alright to say no, but..." Jongin pauses, "can I kiss you?" Upon seeing the look on Sehun's face, he adds. "You really can say no."

"I want you to." Sehun's voice is soft, delicate. It settles heavy in Jongin's gut. Like a warm, home cooked meal. 

Jongin places both his hands on either side of Sehun's face. Sehun stills completely, staring at Jongin. He is just as beautiful as ever. His eyes are filled with anticipation. Wonder. 

"Six years. I've been wanting to do this again." Jongin announces, stroking Sehun's face. His skin is so soft. "This is so surreal. I'm so happy." Jongin's smile feels like it's going to break his face in half. He hopes he doesn't look deranged. Sehun's subtle smile lets him know he doesn't. Or, if he does, at least Sehun likes it. 

Jongin finally closes the distance and his whole world tilts on its axis and spins uncontrollably. He pours his soul into the kiss, encouraged as Sehun kisses him back and clutches his shirt at the sides. 

"Kissing is fun." Sehun says and the blush on his cheeks makes him look even prettier. Jongin can't help but kiss him more. Would he blush a darker red, if he did?

It seems like forever that they kiss in Sehun's kitchen before the younger takes a step back and breaks the kiss. Jongin doesn't hesitate in giving him distance- even if he doesn't want it. He understands not to push Sehun. 

And because he knows, if left alone with Sehun like this, he would be tempted to push, he shifts his weight from.one foot to the other and decides he should leave. "Ah, I better get home. I'll see you later, Sehun."

"Uhm, tomorrow morning, do you want to pick me up before class? We can... we can get coffee." Jongin is surprised to hear the edge of panic in Sehun's voice. 

Despite the concern he feels over the strange sense of panic Sehun seems to be feeling at the moment, Jongin is too happy to accept their first official date. "Yes, I'd love that. I'll see you tomorrow morning, Sehun-ah." In his happiness, Jongin's tongue slips.

"I'll see you, Jongin...Jonginnie." Sehun sends him off. Butterflies burst into Jongin's stomach. He doesn't stop smiling the entire way home.

\----

Before Jongin realizes, it's Sehun's birthday. He thought about what he would get, and how he could possibly make it anything other than all the gifts he had bought for Sehun over the years but had always been too chicken to actually hand them over? 

Jongin, first, asks Sehun if he wants to go out for dinner. Something simple and cheap, as Jongin is still struggling to make ends meet, as university kids often do. 

Sehun agrees, surprisingly easily. Their relationship is still so new, technically, but the way they've fallen into place feels like a long time coming. Sehun still counts, he still shies away from Jongin's touch, but each day he gets better. 

They eat greasy pizza and laugh about Baekhyun's wonderful misadventures trying to score a date with a girl in his sociology class who had absolutely no interest in him. 

Sehun asks, and not for the first time, why him and Chanyeol aren't dating. Jongin shrugs- perhaps that's a story for another time. 

Once their hunger is sated and the sun dips into darkness, they head back to Jongin's place. It's where they both end up most nights, actually. But this night, Jongin has a box on his coffee table, filled to the brim with gifts, big and small, to give to Sehun. 

Upon seeing the box, Sehun's eyebrows furrow. "What's this?" 

"Everything I've ever wanted to give you but never had the courage to." Jongin ushers Sehun to sit down, in front of the box. 

Sehun turns wide, misty eyes on to him. "There's so much in here." He says and, for the first time, Jongin wonders if, apart from that nintendo that ended up getting broken, if Sehun had ever been given gifts. Sehun touches the top gift gently, as if unsure. 

"I've known you for a long time." I've loved you for a long time is what he means to say. 

The first one Sehun opens, is the one right on top. The last gift Jongin had bought for him. "I bought those for valentine's day this year." Jongin revealed. "Just before I went to Baekhyun's party." 

I was thinking of you the whole day. Is something that he doesn't say, but he thinks Sehun knows. Sehun runs his fingers over the glass petals of the roses, and smiles. "They'll last forever." He said happily. 

"Yeah." Jongin's throat tightens at the tears clinging almost desperately to Sehun' lashes. 

"Thank you, Jongin." Sehun whispers as he sets the glass roses down to pick up another gift. 

Two gifts later and Sehun is openly crying, face pressed into the soft fabric of the baby blue scarf. 

Jongin wonders what Sehun would have done if he had kept the ring in there. The same ring he had bought last Christmas, when he decided. He was finally going to tell Sehun and give him the simple silver band with inset emerald studs. 

Jongin had chickened out then, like he always did, but he kept the ring. 

And this time, as he presented Sehun with over a decades worth of gifts, he still hadn't given them all to him. 

\-- six years later --

The Tuesday after Sehun's birthday, Jongin picks up his boyfriend (the term still makes him grin, even after all these years), from therapy. Jongin is waiting in the lobby when Dr. Han escorts Sehun out of the office. Sehun looks fine- Jongin is always a little worried ever since the day Sehun had come out sobbing, that it would be a repeated occurrence. Which has happened a couple times since the first time, it is by no means regular. As much as Jongin knows Dr. Han is an ally and didn't do it on purpose, Jongin never wants to see Sehun breakdown like that, it always hurts when he does. 

"Oh, Jongin." Dr. Han sounds pleasantly surprised. "Could I have a word?" 

Sehun looks just as confused as Jongin feels when he locks questioning eyes on Sehun. "Yeah, of course." 

"Sehun, why don't you go wait in the car?" Dr. Han suggests. Deftly, Jongin hands his keys over. Maybe he is a little nervous, too? What on earth could Dr. Han have to say to him? 

Once Sehun is out of sight, Dr. Han claps a hand over Jongin's shoulder, looking a bit emotional. "I can't tell you how much I am thankful to you." 

"Huh?" Jongin lets out unintelligently. Shouldn't he be the one telling this to Dr. Han?

"We're not supposed to have favorites, but… inevitably all doctors do, no matter what kind. You'll find that out, too. And Sehun… Sehun happens to be mine." Dr. Han admits. Jongin would be a little suspicious if Dr. Han didn't have a wedding band on his finger. And didn't know how absolutely in love with Dr. Wu Sehun's therapist was. Maybe Jongin is just a little possessive. "He's been through horrors I've never heard in all my years practicing."

Sehun's never told him, but Jongin has seen enough to know that Dr. Han's words are likely true. The night Sehun came to his doorstep bleeding out flashes in his mind. It feels like a lifetime ago. And maybe all that Sehun has faced has truly been enough to fill a lifetime. 

"He's really resilient, but trauma like his… can be tough to work around. But I am so grateful to you for being there for him because every time he mentions you, he just… looks so happy. Talking about you always calms him down. Even before you two started dating. It must not have been easy, staying with him, but I am so glad you have."

Jongin thinks for a moment, about why Dr. Han's words bother him. "With all due respect, Dr. Han, you're wrong." Is what he finally settles on. "Sehun's never been anything but easy to love and be there for. It works both ways, you know? At the end of a long day all I want to do is see Sehun. If I bomb a test, I go to Sehun first. Early in clinicals, I witnessed a little kid code three times before eventually passing. I called Sehun and he was there to comfort me within the hour. Even though he hates hospitals. He's just as much my rock as I am to him. Hell, he's my whole foundation." 

Once started, Jongin finds it hard to stop. So he continues. "I'm not perfect, neither is our relationship, but there's not a thing I wouldn't do for him. And none of it is an obligation or a burden. I just love him. And I want to show him that not only in words, but in action, too. He grew up without knowing love, and I'm just trying to show him that family doesn't hurt." Jongin stops now, thinking back, to all those years ago, when Sehun had revealed he still wanted his father to love him. When they were in middle school. "I don't want him to ever question if I love him or not. Because I do. I have for so long." 

Dr. Han's smile is soft. He's really pretty, Jongin can admit, and his smile only brings out the light in his eyes. "Sehun's known love since he was a kid." Dr. Han declares, which earns him a look of bemusement. "Ever since some random kid shared their lunch with him in elementary." Dr. Han clarifies. 

Jongin reckons he never thought about it like that. 

Jongin excuses himself and steps out of the office. Determined. In that moment he feels such an overwhelming surge of love. He doesn't think he can wait any longer. 

Sehun is leaning against their car, face tilted up towards the sun, basking in the warmth of spring like a cat in a patch of sunlight on a lazy afternoon. The smile on his face is subtle, but there. And he looks so, so beautiful to Jongin. 

"Five years ago." Jongin starts, and Sehun opens his eyes, surprised that Jongin had suddenly showed up. "I gave you a box of gifts that I hadn't had the guts to give to you before then. Do you remember?" He asked. 

"Yeah, I remember." Sehun is giving him the same look of bemusement that Jongin had just given Dr. Han. "What did Dr. Han say?"

Jongin ignores the question in lue of continuing. This is definitely more important. "I didn't give you all of them." Jongin pats his pockets and pulls out his wallet. "I left out one because I wanted to save it. Or maybe I was still too scared." Jongin opens the zipper pouch- he had bought this wallet specially for that feature.

It's still there, sparkling from it's recent cleaning. He had the fake emerald gemstones replaced with real ones a little over 4 months ago. He looked at Sehun, who still looked confused but was waiting patiently. 

"But, Sehun, I am absolutely fucking devoted to you. I adore you. I…" he kneels down in front of Sehun at the same time he pulls the ring out and drops his wallet to the ground. 

He is sure Sehun would have something to say about that if he weren't staring with wide teary eyes at Jongin. "Jongin?" He asked, voiced pitched. 

"I want to marry you, Sehun. Will you marry me?" 

It's simple, but it conveys everything Jongin needs it to in the moment. 

"Yes." Sehun responds without hesitation and he hasn't even looked at the ring, focused instead on Jongin's face. "I love you so much, Jongin." He sobs out, as Jongin slides the ring on his finger. Perfect fit. Like Sehun in his arms, which he is in the next moment. 

"I knew I wanted to marry you when I bought that ring." Jongin breathes into Sehun's mouth between kisses. "Hell, I think I knew I wanted to marry you since the first moment I realized I had feelings for you." He says, and Sehun is pressed up against the car door, fingers curled into Jongin's collar to keep him close. 

The kisses taste salty because Sehun is still crying, but since Jongin knows they're happy tears, he doesn't stop kissing him. 

"I love you, Jongin. And I'm… I don't know what I'd do without you. Or what would have happened to me if you hadn't found me." Sehun says after a while, when their lips are pink and swollen. Sehun is holding his face, their foreheads are pressed together. 

Finally, he looks at the ring, as it rests against Jongin's cheek. "Baekhyun's going to be pissed that you and I got engaged before him and Chanyeol." He laughs. Jongin laughs, too.


End file.
